She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
