let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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