that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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