Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
