her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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