So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
