Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
