omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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