Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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