my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
