When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
