btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
