I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
