look no pants
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
