Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
