So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
