Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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