you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
