I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
