FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
