trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
