Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
