just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
