But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
