Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
