"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
