I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
