dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
