Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
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