By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My penis needs a shock collar
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
