Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
