I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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