there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
