sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
