4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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