Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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