I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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