Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize