If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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