I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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