I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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