for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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