She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
