I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
