There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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