i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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