oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
