Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
