11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
