Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
