you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
