The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
